Tag Archives: expectations

Relationship – Working On Yourself First!

Ladies, especially the ones who are unhappy with – or angry at – a man right now… I would love to have a conversation with you, from heart to heart.

The other day I was talking to my man about relationships and exes and things really started to get me thinking:

Honestly, what do we women expect from men?
We expect way too much. We want them to be perfect (they have to live up to our expectations) and if they go a little off of the path of perfection, we drop them or badmouth them, in front of friends, family and on Facebook.or we continuously post posts about how we strong women don’t need men yada yada ya. But in the end one of our deepest desires is to be with someone special, right?

Remember… the law of attraction. Like attracts like… and isn’t the man we dated or the man we are with our own reflection?

When I was single I lived in New York by myself for 3 years. Even before that I lived by myself for more than 13 years and it gave me time to truly know myself. No distractions. I was searching for love, yes, but not just any love.
True love. Someone who could be a true partner by my side. I read a lot of books on men and women but most of all on the divine feminine. Since I was 17 I researched and even did my school finals in psychology on ‘Men’s fear on strong women’.

I took the time to discover who I am – read a lot and explored my environment.
I so adored taking myself to a show or a movie and especially out to eat.

I learned to truly enjoy being by myself because I knew there would come a day where I would no longer be by myself. Then I would get to share everything with a special someone but til then I would be my own special someone.

I did not search for someone actively. Maybe that has to do with my stubbornness of loving one man at a time and for a while even if he doesn’t love me back. You can say that’s good or bad, if you like, but it helped me to get here.
That’s how I am, i don’t give up. Not on people, not on friends, not on plans and visions.

I feel lucky that I was that way because it didn’t allow me to go crazy and sleep with every Tom, Dick and Harry… and that’s easy to do in New York City…

When I did go out with someone and things didn’t go the way I wanted them to go: I did a self analysis. I wrote about it, spoke with friends i chose to be my go-to-person and made choices to treat myself better and to have others treat me better.

Most importantly I didn’t say to myself that every man is stupid and that it only had to do with him that things went wrong.

I truly feel that women nowadays have too many high expectations and don’t bring enough to the table themselves.
We want our men to be successful, wealthy, emotionally stable, no mama-boy, spiritually ready… completely complete.

You will never get a ‘perfect ‘ man because we are all human and even if we think we are done with a topic there may still be something inside of us that may need attention later in life.

Let me ask you this:
are you there already? Are you finished, do you completely know what you want in life? Because if not…

Wouldn’t you say we can only expect from someone else something that we have already reached?!?

As soon as we still have our own topics that take up our energy, like past family issues or past dramas and people we can’t forgive… are we really at the point to ask from our men that they have to be ‘better’ than us.

I am in a very fortunate and happy place but my relationship is far from perfect and I wouldn’t want it to be. If it were so, where would be room to grow together?
I am not my partner and he is not me so we can’t expect to understand each other all the time or to read each other’s mind.
Being together in a two room trailer means to accept each other unconditionally with all the flaws we have and I know that I have many flaws!
I thank my partner that he loves me as I am and doesn’t want to try to change me. Yet we talk about everything that isn’t right yet and we will both try to make things better.

Being in a relationship means to go through life together. You can’t expect anyone to catch you if you haven’t caught yourself.

And if you haven’t truly taken the time to get to know yourself, how can you expect someone else to know you?

Just a few thoughts I put out there to anyone who is ready to read it.

Much love,

La Ara