From an empty vessel to a beaming Goddess

A year ago when i arrived in New York, I felt like an empty vessel.
All I wanted to do was being liked by others. I didn’t even realize what an impact I had on other people, how much I hurt them or attracted others to me because they saw me as easy-to-control. ‘Oh, she is new to this place, I will protect her’. (Please? I am getting along better in New York than some who have lived here forever.)
My walls were so high that I often blanked out and for the past 12 years I lost¬†myself so much, that I didn’t even feel myself.
I remember my Ma and me at singing lessons.

She said: hold your hands up high and feel your hands tingle.
I hardly ever did.

 

It’s amazing what a ‘normal’ life you can have as a puppet ~ a robot.
Empty eyes, sadness, and this urge to finally wake up, live your own life…

When I was a young girl, I had the most beautiful life someone could ever imagine. My dad might have not always been there, being on tour as a conductor, but oh, I had two wonderful parents, who truly and deeply loved me… not to mention they still love me – to the moon and back – as this wonderful saying goes… ūüėČ

 

 

And eventhough my parents aren’t together anymore, their love for me is what will always keep us together, as a team.

But these thoughts of emptiness and sadness are often not even your thoughts Рthese are thoughts of the mass consciousness.

You are controlled by something else, a higher authority. Your thoughts, your brain only spit out things that you have been told by others.

Thoughts are always there, like the many radio channels we can¬†listen to any second of the day… – the question is,¬†what do you tune in to…?

Going through a lot of trauma of losing many people and going through a depression and the desire of everybody loving me, I started to live my life in a very passive way. Back then half of my life was watching tv. Instead of having real experiences. I lived through others’ eyes. Through Tv, books and my friends’ stories. I lived as the girl-next-door or even as my own supporting role.

I don’t regret it. This has definitely been an interesting journey. And I learned a lot just by listening to other peoples’ experiences.

But I’ve awakened now. I embrace my former self and kiss it goodbye, say hello to the strong, most beautiful version of myself ~ the strong entertainer, healer, goddess who is meant for something great here on earth ~ for my life is just beginning now and I won’t let my mind dictate what my heart knows is going to be.

 

La Ara

Growing into love – the change within

Sometimes you grow into love.

Sometimes you know very early that you love this person and that you want to be with that person – but you are not ready – you are not aware of this person’s value and the value inside of you – so you doubt, you are afraid and you think you can’t contribute to the other persons’ growth.
And you make mistakes. Mistakes you regret, mistakes through which you learn – mistakes of value, that change your whole being – e.g. you go out with someone else only to find yourself crying in bed because you feel lonelier than ever.
Then you realize that you no longer are in need of being with someone just because you want to “be with someone” – and you stop.
And you learn.
And you change.
You look within.
You go inside and find your own value, your own worthiness.
Sometimes it takes a special person to transform you.
This person touched you and you knew something was there from the beginning but you did not define it as “love”.
So you go and search. First outside of yourself and then within – and you find yourself within your selflove – you learn to be happy with yourself – learn to go away from distraction – see yourself as the angel. the god/goddess that you are and you appreciate even more what that special-someone did to even bring you to this point.
You start to smile without anyone else in the room because you are happy, truly happy and appreciative of every moment you are alive – with yourself and with others.
You know that love is everywhere and you learn to love everything.

And yet you know as you knew from the start that you love this other person in another way and that you only want what’s best for him/her.
You find that you are worthy of being with the other person and you can contribute to the others’ life and experience.
You learn that both of you are equal – alike and yet so different.

Meeting someone else doesn’t always come with that big bang and the perfect knowledge that he/she is the one and with mutual feelings. Sometimes you have to give it time. Grow on each other. Help the other person see who you truly are and not who he/she thought you to be…
Maybe you will stay in the background for a while and be the supporting role in your own play.
You step aside to help the other one to shine – and shine yourself through selfless acts. And later on you go back to shining yourself.

I have met people who don’t think that it’s possible that others can change and become different people – but I’ve gone through this myself – so I know…

People change, mostly to the better. We are not the same today as we were yesterday – with every day there is more consciousness – with every experience you grow and you can achieve more than you would have ever imagined.

And in time, you become the perfect partner for the other without even realizing it. Because you learned through your past.

Once you are there you just have to let go of the past and trust the inner glow the both of you felt from the start.

Stand your ground, believe in miracles and that they come naturally when both of you are ready. Trust that the other person will be guided through dreams and signs. Let the universe take over…

And the magic will occur…

Responsability and Unawareness

We allowed our consciousness to be filled with fog as we grew up… – as babies we knew everything but by going through so-called “bad” exeriences, we continued to deny what we knew and fell into a sleep of not-knowing.

Lifetimes after lifetimes, but also year after year within one life.

Until books and people crossed our paths and opened our eyes – reminded us who we truly are, reveiled our destiny.

We learned that life is not about surviving, not just about eating, drinking, working, sleeping.

We started to understand our light and shine it into our worlds by discovering our uniqueness…

Yet forces from the outside world wanted to dance with our ego-of-fear and denied us any moment of inner knowing, of deep understanding within… by sending us to school in which we learned a lot of stuff we didn’t need later on. By giving us the feeling that in order of having a good job, we’d need great education – THEIR education – becoming their working-zombies…

The more we lived on earth, the more we believed that earth became dangerous, that we were powerless – that everyone and everything was turning against us – and filled with fear – of losing ourselves and with ourselves the world – we hid behind so-called rules of the outside world, we built walls around our hearts...

We stopped feeling what’s going on within us and numbed ourselves down with distractions from the outside world.

We played computer games, watched tv, drank alcohol, took drugs and lost ourselves by distracting ourselves with others – i.e. one night stands – do you even know how important your body is, your temple, your beautiful vessel and that you should only share it with another person if that person is good for you, shares inner visions with you, if you can enrich yourselves with each other, if your love towards each other is real? It takes a bit more than just to look into each others’ eyes, to share such sacredness as sexuality, unless you have the feeling of knowing each other from many lifetimes before… but sexuality for sport? please… don’t distract yourself with someone in order to forget yourself. You are way to sacred and important to let someone else in who doesn’t see you as a beautiful soul but as a distraction him/herself.

What happened to our dreams, the dreams we had as children, the inner knowing that we had a destiny to fulfill, the knowing as children that each and everyone of us was a prince/princess, a super hero?!?!
Mass consciousness is not easy to transform – to get out of: looking at all the horror in the movies and in books alone, we don’t really have the chance, if we don’t look within ourselves. If you study the brain and a little psychology and know about mental training, you will discover that the mind doesn’t “know” if something is happening to you in “reality” or in “illusion”.

So we’ve gone through thousands of deaths already, have suffered many endings of relationships ¬†(without having had one relationship) and lost thousands of friends and family members just by looking into the outside world, looking at a little box in front of us that showed us how “life” works in the mind of the masses…

With all of that that’s going on “out there” we refuse to see what’s inside of us and that everything we go through is a projection of what has been within us all of the time – a projection of what we “learned” from the outside world… from “experience” or things people tell us, things we read or “see”.

Unaware of all of this, because we never learned this, we walk through life, entertain ourselves with movies and computer games and think it’s fiction, but we have undergone it every time we “saw” it, “read” it or played it.

It’s our choice to “see” that and to change the way we perceive reality…

We Рthe mass Рplay computer games every day where there is war, killing Рwe only succeed if we kill to get to our goals. 
Is it surprising that people feel number inside themselve every day, teenagers get more brutal, that we all get immune towards what happens in our hearts?
This is exactly what the powers outside of us want: they want us to be scared, to scream out for “help” so they can make even more rules – and one day, if we continue to live unaware – the possability is high that we will no longer have rights and will be locked up whenever we say something “against” their rules (maybe even if we think freely).

This may all sound “frightening” to us…

Yet, there is a solution:

In order for this not to become our reality, we have to wake up to ourselves. Not to the mass propaganda but to our unique selves.

We all have the responsability to awaken, to become aware of what’s going on – not by looking outside of ourselves but by going within. By understanding that this all is real, that we attract what our unawareness brings forth.

It’s time to lift the fog inside of us – the fog that tells us that we “don’t know” anything – the feeling of being helpless, steered and controlled.

No one has the power to do something with you, if you listen to yourself. If you live responsible (towards YOURSELF). If you SELECT the things you watch (Matrix e.g. shows it all, there is much more reality to this filme than you may think), play and read instead of feeding the mass consciousness with fear inside your heart (stope reading and watching the news every day. Read about the people who made a change in this world, if you want to start with Jesus in the bible, go ahead, but there are many other terrific people out there that you can compare yourself to, if you need another superhero and don’t want to makes yourself to one right away – I said RIGHT AWAY, because You are the superhero in your story – you are the one you have been waiting for or the once you have been taught to wait for in all of the hero stories you read or heard about. It’s you, never someone else. Only YOU can change the world – don’t let others do it for you…

My title is “Responsability and Unawareness” for a reason. You have your own responability to yourself and to the world. How will you receive it? From the place of Love or of Fear? How will you tell your story? Will you be the super hero or the supporting role, supporting the one-who-will-never-come because it was always you, you have been waiting for?

Knowing all of this it’s up to you now to make the next step. Be aware of how much you walk around like a zombie, following orders of other instead of the orders of your true self, your heart.

Make a difference by not believing everything you hear from others – you don’t have to fit in – you should stick out and be the one-you-are-meant-to-be.

Spread the light of awakening, not through fear but through hope, joy, love and laughter.

you can do it – every single one of us has a destiny. Don’t react, act first. Be selective with what you do, see, say, read and with whome you surround yourself. Exchange your ideas of your inner wisdom with the outside world when you are ready. Be with like-minded people who support you in your knowing. And with the people who are caught within the mass consciousness: be the seed that spreads the truth – that there is nothing to fear, only your subconscious mind that is being steered by the mass consciousness. Step out of others’ truth that doesn’t resonate with your inner knowing – question EVERYTHING you’ve learned, especially in school.

see what is buried deep down within your subconsciousness. There are many ways of doing this, even without the help of the ouside world, just by going within. Let the answers you are seeking for come from within you. There is a saying that to every question you already have the answer.

Start by becoming aware of your day-to-day thoughts, write them down, especially when you realize that they are recurring ones; take a piece of paper and just write for a few minutes without thinking about it – read it through and you will see if you are more negative than positive. Don’t judge it, just realize it and go from there.

It’s up to you to change the world by changing yourself from within yourself.

And so it is.

Namaste

Love

It doesn’t matter if someone does or doesn’t love you back. The feelings you have for this person, are the feelings you treasure inside yourself. If you feel joy and love if you see him, those are feelings only you can/will feel – and no one can take the goosebumps and little butterflies away from you. No one, not even the other person himself.

If he doesn’t feel the same, well – it’s his loss –¬†he will not get to know and share the love with you the way it could be possible – but YOU get to feel the feelings anyway.
YOU are the one, feeling joy and seeing beauty through the eyes of a lover. You will see everything with other eyes, maybe the eyes of a child… look into the world with empowering thoughts. See every color brighter than ever before…¬†

don’t ever give up that feeling, just because the outside world may demonstrate something else to you. No two people feel alike, feel the same way, right away.
How could you expect the other person to? The other person only has the chance to project his feelings and memories of other experiences on you.
He may think you are funny, pretty, sexy, but will he ever see the real you?
He may, one day, if you are able to make room for miracles, open up to him and let him see you, without fear.

There may always be one person who feels more than the other…
The other question is: are YOU ready for a relationship?
If not, how can the other person be?

So… BE egoistic – LOVE the person anyway. Don’t deny your feelings – show the world the beauty of being love – and the best way to practise to BE LOVE is by feeling love for the person anyway.

I am honored and happy to love, to know so many beautiful people out there – but especially one man who has touched my heart many, many times.
I am greateful for everything I’ve learned through my feelings and emotions. Everything that happened has changed me in every way – into the person I am here and now…
I am blessed. I am whole, I don’t worry about the other person, I just care about how I feel inside – and I bring this out to the world – in my words, my songs, my actions.

Most importantly though: I love myself.
I wouldn’t change myself for the world. My flaws are my flaws and I am aware of them, but they are okay here, with me, because every beautiful diamond has its cracks – I have this beautiful Mala and it has thousands of little cracks – but that’s what makes it so special. Even if I closed my eyes and went touched the little beads of the mala – I would recognize if it wasn’t mine BECAUSE of it’s little “imperfections”.
That’s what makes us all to beautiful crystals. Our imperfections and our acceptance of them.

I would marry myself and I would say yes to myself again and again, every moment in time because I know how special I am – to myself.

Life is beautiful – love is beautiful.
May you all feel love for one another, but also for yourselves. No one wants you to suffer so that other can be happier. If you are happy you will help earth and make it shine again…

Namaste everyone

Helen Davies

Choose who you want to be

It’s not always easy to look to the inside when there is so much distraction outside…

But today I had one of my best days ever – and that wasn’t because of the many flirts I had with the outside world (although it was nice, of course) – it was, because I was happy from the inside. And who had to do with it? Just me! I had moments today where I thought: I’ve had enough of this… and that… and I do. I’ve had enough of trying to be the way others would like me to be…

In the end people don’t want stories about people who fit in – they want stories about people who stand out – and that’s one of my greatest talents: to stand out…

People may mistaken my¬†smile for a way to have people like me, but that is not true. Often enough I have been underestimated, but that’s because I let them think I could never raise my voice. The truth is, I choose to be positive and loyal, trustworthy and fair.
But if I realize that the person in front of me wants to harm or use me, my mood can change within an instant…

Within my life there is no such thing as loneliness, again,¬†I choose to be by myself a lot to work within my inner world. So that I can fully embrace life at will when I am “out there”.

Yesterday I was told that people think of me as strange because I smile. Because I find happiness and beauty in the little things… People thought of me the same way in Germany/Austria. People are all the same way. But why should I change to make them happy by me being unhappy about little things I normally find joy in???

It’s my true nature: joy – everything else is “learned” through society. We are trained to complain¬†about thousands of things on a daily basis.
But I chose not to participate in this “habit” because I have the privilege to make the most out of my life and out of who and what I am.

I wear things every day that other people would only wear on stage.
I make myself beautiful by feeling beautiful. What’s on the inside goes to the outside. If I feel like wearing a long golden dress at daytime, I will (I’m still searching for it but there is no doubt that it will be in my posession very soon because I manifestate it in my dreams)

My life IS a musical/a dream. My world, the world my soul lives in, is miraculas every day. Why should it not be???
Am I not allowed to see miracles in every living being, in every breath I take and move I make?

Should I close my eyes or not look at the face of a mother kissing her child?
I am who I am, because of all the experiences I’ve had up to now. Tomorrow I will be someone like today with a few more experiences.

I want to live every moment, in the fullest way possible. With happiness, joy, knowledge of my purpose (and no, that’s not me being a star on Broadway – that’s one of MANY goals)

I feel lucky, I feel beautiful, every move I make is art. If I will like moving to music, I will, doesn’t matter where I am. Even if the music is only in my head and I am at a train station.

The reason why people are interfering in other peoples’ life is because they don’t know how to make a “top” story out of their own. So they look for sensations everywhere else, never in their hearts.

Have you ever spoken to yourself? To your soul?

There are days when I record myself on tape, talking to me. Especially if I’ve experienced something powerful/wonder-ful. I remind myself every day how lucky I am. And on some days, when I feel down – I listen to those reminders. I could fill books with stories I’ve gone through in the last 6 months – and even more books about the years before.
My adventures are better than 9/10 of the ones I see on TV. And why? Because I love being alive and feel it inside of me.
And it hasn’t always been that way. I’ve been through very, very low and bad times. With depressions, feelings of unworthiness, unhappiness – feeling ugly been there, done that. I chose to take a different step and perspective. One step at a time.

And you know what? Whenever I feel REALLY AWFUL (which I do) – I will gie myself a few minutes to feel that way – go deep into it, very deep – question it – and change my view. And I’m back to days like today.

Awesome, incredible, happy, wonderful, successfull, loveable, sexy, beautiful, exciting, fun, humorous, active, authentic, musical days like today

How the Ego works

I love my brain, I love my head and ego. It’s like an inner stage director… All the time it tries so hard to plan every single step. As soon as something doesn’t work out, it screams and becomes this choleric person¬†¬†I identify myself with this “Ego” and become it myself. Maybe not directly to the people around me, BUT to myself. My Ego Screams at me if something doesn’t happen the way it was planned *grinn*

I remember that I once had a stage director who was just exactly like that – and taking the law of attraction (or the mirror) he was mirroring my inner voices just at this moment…

The wonderful thing about it? Once I consciously reflect on it and “know” it, I can remember that I am NOT my ego. I am higher consciousness, and anything that triggers me, can be put aside. I can breath, I can be calm and laugh about it.
In the end – it doesn’t MATTER¬†

I embrace my inner stage director and tell him/her that it’s okay. That things never really turn out the way that he/she has planned it and that it’s up to the both of us to open up and let us be guided by higher powers.

Once you learn to trust yourself this way, everything will happen by itself. I know… I feel it – it happens to me right now.

This way I can be relaxed towards any person and situation in my life and trust the flow of the river/energy that’s taking me to wherever I am supposed to be…

I love this way of looking at my ego and now I realize, my inner stage director has tried to steer me in so many ways – has colored it in the greatest pictures and I put myself under so much pressure to fulfill the inner stage directors dream… but there are so many other paths I could not imagine when I was 17 (like realizing, that studying psychology isn’t for me; falling into a deep depression, going back to my family but in the “beginning” (not the ending) I am still living my dream by being in New York – only a few years later than my inner stage director had actually planned…) all that has happened – happened for a reason.¬†

I wouldn’t be who I am now, if my inner stage director would have always been getting his/her will…

Now my ego has started to reduce its voice and follow the flow. Follow flow, ha, it runs in the same family of words  I love it!